Old Hat
by Napstabook
Summary: Mafiatale AU- With prohibition laws putting a damper on a certain bartender's spirits, the underground gang puts together a way to have all the fun that danger promises, while trying to avoid the danger... Then again, what is is the purpose of life without a little risk?
1. Fedoras

"i wonder how many of these I can stack on your head, kiddo..." Frisk twitched slightly, and the stack of micro corndogs on their head teetered dangerously.

"quit moving, kid, or we'll both be in the doghouse," Sans chuckled at his own bad pun while Frisk rolled their eyes. The game had begun when Frisk had served Sans his plate of food along with his customary bottle of ketchup. Sans had teasingly plopped one of the corndogs on Frisk's head, and it had only escalated from there. Sans was now standing on his chair to place the delicious bites, as he had now stacked twenty-eight corndogs. Frisk held completely still as Sans was about to place the last on their head, but suddenly the bar doors were flung open. Papyrus sauntered over from the entryway, and took a seat across from his brother.

"how'd it go, paps?" the corndogs had long since fallen to the floor, and Frisk had made it their personal mission to round them all up. Papyrus heaved a long-suffering sigh and lit up a cigar that he had tucked in his suit pocket.

"THEY SAID THAT THEY DON'T WANT US SELLING OUR GOODS, EVEN IF THEY ARE ONLY CONSUMABLE TO MONSTERS. THEY SAID THAT IF IT INHIBITS OUR KIND THE SAME WAY IT DOES HUMANS... THEN IT MAKES OUR WARES, NO MATTER HOW MAGICAL THEY ARE, ILLEGAL." Sans watched as Papyrus slung his knapsack onto the floor in annoyance, and several items came spilling out of it. Papyrus' rifle, and his backup cigars clattered onto the floor, but the only thing out of place was a battered and crumpled fedora. Sans paid the article of cloth no mind, and turned to look back at Papyrus.

"if by 'wares' you mean alcohol, then yeah, that sucks." Papyrus smiled lovingly at his brother, who returned the look, and they both looked reminiscently around the bar. Grillby had had help from the skelebros and Frisk at relocating and refurbishing the bar he had had below ground, before all the monsters had moved to the surface. However, the humans and their prohibition laws were not taking kindly to the monster bar. The brother's thoughts were promptly interrupted by Frisk gesturing emphatically at Sans. Frisk was holding out the battered fedora that had fallen from the knapsack.

"what do you have there, buddy?" Sans asked. He glanced up at Papyrus, who took a long drag from his cigar, and held out his hand to Frisk.

"YOU'D… BETTER NOT TOUCH THAT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT HAS BEEN…" Papyrus smirked at his own words, and Sans raised a questioning eye ridge at him.

"WHAT?" Papyrus asked defensively. Sans gave him a pointed look, to which Papyrus rolled his eyes.

"ALRIGHT, SO I STOLE IT FROM THIS FELLA WHO TRIED TO CHECK ME ON THE WAY OUT OF MY MEETING…" Sans chuckled at the admission.

"that's fine, bro. the situation is already… old hat…" Papyrus groaned, and Frisk giggled from behind their hand. They moved closer to Sans with the hat in hand, and shyly tapped his shoulder. Sans leant forward, and smiled gently.

"what is it, hoss?" In one swift move, Frisk placed the fedora squarely on Sans' head. He glanced up at the hat in amusement, and looked back at Frisk who signed that they liked the look. Papyrus snickered behind the cigar between his teeth.

"I GUESS I SHOULD STEAL MORE OFTEN." Sans narrowed his eyes, tipping the brim of his new accessory back, and sparing Papyrus a sidelong glance, he grinned slyly.

"alrighty then, bro. but don't come knocking on my fe-door-a…"

"SANS, NO-"

"when the police stop by…"

"SANS, DON'T YOU DA-"

"to arrest you for your bad hat-bits…"

Grillby was in the back room washing the rest of the plates when he heard a strangled screeching noise. He rushed to the front of the bar, and stuck his head around the corner to see Papyrus orange-faced and choking on a cigar while Sans was doubled over in laughter. Frisk was hopping from foot to foot in a slight panic as Papyrus' face turned an even brighter orange than before. Grillby only stayed in the room long enough to see Frisk dump a glass of water over Papyrus, and glancing backward he couldn't help but smirk at seeing Sans in a fedora.


	2. Stains

"DAMN IT." Papyrus swore quietly to himself as he tried vainly to scrub the stain from his jacket. The foam from the soap seeped up between his metacarpals, as he rubbed with a brush that did nothing to warrant a change out of the red stain.

"GRILLBY," Papyrus screeched, "WHAT TYPE OF CLEANING LIQUID GETS OUT BLOODSTAINS?" A scrambling noise echoed through the small flat that sat above the bar, and Grillby came running into the kitchenette with his glasses slipping off of his face.

"What is it? Who is injured? Are you alright?" Papyrus raised an eye ridge as Grillby took in the situation. Papyrus was splattered in various dark red splotches, and as he turned his head Grillby saw that Papyrus also had dried blood on the side of his face. Papyrus smiled sweetly at Grillby, and lifted his hand up to the dried liquid.

"NYEHEHE! DO NOT WORRY, DEAR GRILLBY. IT IS NOT MY BLOOD." Grillby's flames only became more powerful as his panic increased. Frantically he sought out a rag, and wet it in the sink. Turning back to Papyrus, he handed off the rag, and gave him another once over.

"If it is not your blood... Then who's is it?" Papyrus grimaced and fiddled with the wet rag in his hand, before turning his back to Grillby. Grillby sighed and leaned against the counter in the small kitchenette, but not before Papyrus spared him an anxious look.

"LOOK, GRILLBY... I DID NOT KILL ANY OF THEM, BUT... T-THEY RUSHED AT ME, AND I JUST... LASHED OUT AT THEM."

"Humans?" Papyrus nodded, and swiped the rag over his skull. The rag came away from his face stained with a rich crimson color.

"I-I THINK THEY RECOGNIZED ME FROM MY MEETING. T-THEY SAID THAT I DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE ON THE SURFACE. THAT I WAS JUST A CREEPY F-FUCKER WHO WAS TRYING TO TEASE THEM WITH WHAT THEY COULDN'T HAVE. I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT I DIDN'T WANT ANY TROUBLE, BUT THEN ONE OF THEM GRABBED MY SHOULDER, AND THREW ME INTO THE WALL..." Papyrus rolled the sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow, and Grillby saw an ugly yellowing bruise forming along the pristine bone. Grillby pinched the spot where his glasses came together between his eyes. Papyrus rubbed at his bruised, but continued his story.

"I-I UNCONSCIOUSLY SUMMONED MY ATTACK, A-AND... W-WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HUMANS BLED SO MUCH WHEN THEY GOT CUT." Grillby sighed, and moved closer to Papyrus, who ground his teeth together in nervousness. Papyrus hung his head in preparation for the rebuking he was going to receive, but instead he was surprised when Grillby simply lifted the suit jacket off of the counter. Grillby turned to Papyrus.

"Club soda." Papyrus stared dumbfounded at the elemental before him.

"COME AGAIN...?"

"Club soda. It can be an acceptable cleaning liquid for removing blood from clothing items." Grillby smiled gently up at Papyrus, and patted him on the shoulder. Papyrus blinked twice before enveloping Grillby in a bone-crushing hug, that Grillby quickly had to lower his temperature down to receive. He didn't know of any cleaning items that removed burns from clothes. Papyrus quickly released Grillby, and started digging through the various cabinets looking hastily for the club soda. Grillby raised an eyebrow, and glanced at the sleek silk jacket on the counter.

"Papyrus..." The skeleton glanced backward fleetingly at the elemental, and continued his rooting around.

"YES, GRILLBY?"

"If you do not mind me asking, why are so attached to this suit jacket? Most folks would not have bothered to try and remove the stain." Papyrus whipped quickly back around to stare at Grillby with a prominent orange blush painting his skull, and a bag of flour being held idly in his hands.

"W-WELL... Y-Y'SEE- " Papyrus' eye lights quickly flicked toward the tag on the suit, before he coughed in embarrassment. Grillby curled an eyebrow, and lifted the tag inside of the suit. There, written in pink cursive were the words:

'Papy dearest, I hope you like the cut of this cloth... I made sure it enhances those delicious shoulders of yours... I hope you drop by again soon, toots! -Love, Metta'

Grillby stared at the love note, and looked back up at Papyrus, who had an expression on his face like he was prepared to die. With every passing moment, Papyrus' face grew even more orange, and his breaths grew more laboured. Grillby clicked his tongue in a round-about way, and shrugged.

"So," he said, "I suppose you two are... Cut from the same cloth?" From the living room, Grillby could hear Sans snorting, before he saw Papyrus mash the fragile bag of flour into his face, and an explosion of dusty white particles covered the kitchen.

Sans reshuffled the game of solitaire he had been playing while he had listened to the exchange between his brother and the bartender. He chuckled at Papyrus' antics, but deep down in his soul, he could feel something hateful lingering. How dare the humans try to touch his brother, or any of his colleagues for that matter. In his mind, Sans made a decision. They would find a way to keep this bar open and accessible, come hell or high water.

'and anyone who tries to fuck with us," Sans chuckled as the magic in his left eye flared up, "is going to have a bad time..."


	3. Sweets

Muffet's Cafe and Curio Shoppe was a popular place in town, to both humans and monster kind. Just because the prohibition laws put a damper on Grillby's profits, it did not mean that it stopped Muffet's baked goods and various coffees from being an instant hit above ground. As a routine, Papyrus and Sans would take Frisk to visit Muffet and get a treat every Sunday afternoon. Muffet herself was very frightening at first appearances. It wasn't even the fact that she was a spider-humanoid type monster, but the fact that she dripped with seduction. Many a man had made advances on the spider woman, but most were met by almost getting their heads bitten off, literally. Because of this, she had been emphatically dubbed as a 'Black Widow' to the male populace of the city.

Regardless of all that, Muffet loved Frisk almost as much as she loved her money, and she always welcomed them and the skelebros for their weekly visits. As they opened the shop doors the group was greeted by a little spider sitting at the front counter. The little spider, whose name was Wes, threw Papyrus a flirtatious wink and led the group into their usual booth. Wes pulled out a little notebook from his apron, and seductively placed his other hands on his hips. Sans rolled his eyes in amusement at the waiter, and wished that he would be able to see the outcome of the flirtation.

"What can I be getting for you folks today?" he asked. Frisk signed that they wanted a vanilla cupcake, and Papyrus enthusiastically ordered a spider donut from the menu, but when asked what he wanted Sans waved the little waiter away. He wasn't there for sweets, he was there on business. Papyrus looked at Sans questioningly, but the short skeleton only shook his head. When their order came in Frisk busied themselves with destroying their cupcake, but Papyrus' thoughts lingered on Sans. What was the latter thinking? Papyrus' musings however were interrupted by Sans clearing his throat.

"do ya think muffet would mind if i bothered her in the kitchen?" Papyrus raised an eye ridge, but shook his head.

"I DO NOT THINK SHE WOULD CARE, BUT WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU ARE WANTING TO DISCUSS... WILL I BE PRIVY TO IT?" Sans grinned at his brother's suspicion, but nodded. At the gesture Papyrus relaxed, and bit into his donut. Sans stood up, and ruffled Frisk's hair playfully on his way out of the booth.

"be good for uncle pap, okay kiddo?" Frisk nodded, and continued licking the icing on the last of the pulverized cake. Sans carefully picked his way around the other patrons tables, only receiving a few odd looks concerning his appearance. Humans were very vain creatures, and while the monster populace had been welcomed into the aboveground at a relatively safe standard, there were still humans out there that absolutely despised monsters and their magical appearances.

'like the slime balls that pap got roughed up by...' Sans thought with a growl. Papyrus was not a good lier, and although he tried not to let his discomfort show, the bruise on his arm had really bothered him. Sans pushed the kitchen doors open, and was greeted by a multitude of spiders. A cacophony of 'hellos' and waving arms assaulted him along with the ever present smell of sugar. Sans weaved his way through the kitchen, and tried not to step on any of the the tiny workers.

'how the hell does muffet keep her health codes in check?' he wondered as he saw a spider just barely catch themselves from falling into a large vat of cookie dough. Sans rounded the corner, and knocked on a side door that served as the entrance to a small room that functioned as Muffet's office. Opening the door, Sans surveyed Muffet deeply engaged in a telephone call, and sitting languidly in a large chair behind her desk. She spared Sans a glance, and lifted a finger at him in a 'wait' gesture, before taking a sip from the coffee cup she had in her other hand. Each one of her hands was occupied with a task, be it signing documents or juggling the phone she was holding. Sans took a seat in the only other chair as Muffet continued her conversation.

"What do you mean you lost the shipment, Thompson?" she said crossly, and tapped her pen in annoyance. Sans listened to the man on the other end of the line give a lame sounding excuse, but Muffet only laughed cruelly at the reply.

"Do you think that just because you lost my cargo that you are off the hook from your debt to me?" she hissed into the receiver, "I want my fucking money, Thompson, so you'd better come up with a way to un-lose those skillets, am I clear?" Sans heard the man give a squeaky 'yes ma'am' before she slammed the phone down viciously. Muffet took a deep breath before she turned to look at Sans with an apologetic smile.

"Hey there, hun. Sorry you heard all that." Sans shrugged, and smiled back broadly.

"s'not the first time i've seen you flip your lid, muff..." Muffet let loose a small chuckle, but at the same time, leant forward and composed herself.

"So, tell me why you're back here. Usually you wait up front for me to visit you guys. What's on your mind?"

Sans took a deep breath, and removed the fedora from his head.

"i... came back here to ask for a loan..." There were three beats of silence in which Muffet blinked several time, before she started laughing loudly. Sans jumped from the sudden onslaught of noise, and stood up from his chair, thinking that Muffet was having a conniption of some sort.

"Goodness, Sans," she said in-between fits of laughter, "y-you've told some pretty funny jokes in the past, but this one takes the cake." Muffet wiped the tears from her eyes, and looked up to see Sans' unwavering expression of seriousness.

"Oh my," she quickly righted herself in her chair, "you were being... Serious?" Sans nodded, and fiddled with his fedora while wiping sweat from his head. Muffet gave him and inquiring look, and Sans sighed in resignation. He scratched at the back of his head before he placed the fedora squarely back on top of it.

"alright, muff, here's the sitch... there are these prohibition laws-"

"Yes, I'm aware of these laws."

"well y'see, they're making it illegal for us to sell our alcohol, and i don't want grillby's bar... flickering out, heh..." Muffet ignored the fire pun, but folded her hands under her chin and reclined in her seat.

"So why would you be needing a lone from little ole me? Isn't it Grillby's responsibility to worry about how his store is going to manage?" Sans grinned amusedly.

"i wanna... fuel his fire a little, hehe. he's a been a bit... put out..." Muffet raised her eyebrows, and Sans' grin faltered. Muffet stood up from her seat and walked around to the front of her desk. After she had situated herself in front in front of Sans, she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Sans..." At the gentle tone in her voice, the skeleton slumped forward and let his real emotions show.

"muffet. grillbz has done so much- too much for both me and pap. he lets us live with him, rent free, and he takes good care of us. he's always taken good care of everybody, but nobody ever takes care of him," Sans took a deep breath and went on, "muff, i've seen the guys records... he's practically bankrupt due to these damn laws. i-i need a lone from you so i can help him out, and i'll pay you back i promise!" Sans looked so desperate, so worn out, so tired of humans and their bloody laws. She herself had always harboured a soft spot in her soul for the bartender. Muffet lifted a hand to her face, and ran another one through her unruly lavender curls. Finally she seemed to come to a decision. It had been quite a while since she had had some danger in her life, and at this moment the urge for it was almost irresistible.

"Sans... What would you say to a little... Bargain?" The skeleton cocked his head at her tone of voice, but nevertheless smiled.

"what were you thinking of, sweets?" Muffet swiftly pulled Sans out of the chair, and ushered him to the only window in the small office. Oddly enough, the window's view was out to an alleyway, and the only other thing visible were the bricks of the building next door. Muffet gestured out to the building.

"Tell me what you see, Sans."

"uh, a building? i'm not getting what you're hinting at, muff. i must be as dumb as a bri-"

"Damn it, Sans," she said impatiently, and he chuckled at her outburst, "that's my curio shop." Sans blinked.

"i haven't been in there yet, muff. i'm guessing it's still pretty new?"

"Still being refurbished actually," she smiled slyly, "here's what I'm thinking... Since you still want to help Grillby sell his alcohol, and I wouldn't mind seeing that candy ass of a bartender at my disposal... I'll help you set up a secret bar in it... A speak easy of sorts, but under one condition..." Sans' eyes widened in surprise.

"disposal, wha? candy ass? muff... do you have the hots for grillby?" Sans smirked when Muffet turned a light shade of violet, but when she narrowed her eyes at him he hastily sobered up.

"Do you want to hear my condition or not, bone boy?" Sans rolled his eyes, but nodded his head.

"i'm all ears... or lack thereof... eh, y'know what i mean." Muffet smiled at Sans, and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"You'd need to become a little part of a mafia. Both you and Papyrus I suppose..." Sans balked, and took a step backwards.

"wait, so we'd be working for you? fetching your cooking supplies?" Sans glowered, and his magic started to act up, flaring to life in his left eye. Muffet hastily tried to explain.

"Oh goodness, no! Ever since Papyrus almost burned down my kitchen with a icing piper of all things, I swore I'd never let him handle my cooking supplies ever again. Instead, you would be like your own boss, but you or Grillby would need to come to me for your wares..." Sans slowly calmed down from the rush of magic, but he still crossed his arms in indignation.

"why's that?" Muffet chuckled, and draped an arm around his shoulders, smirking when he stiffened at her touch.

"Hun, I know all the underground networks. How else do you think I get all of my treats together so quickly? Magic alone? Good lord, no. I know all the right people who sell the alcohol, along with all the other grungy bootleggers. So when you run out of the stuff that you already have to sell... You just come place your order with me, and I'll get you what you need." Sans quirked an eyebrow at the spider woman.

"this sounds too good, sweets... what's the catch?" Muffet sighed, and tugged gently at her hair again.

"I'm... Lonely, Sans. A-and if I'm being honest. I miss the danger that came with living under Mt. Ebbot... I-I want some excitement... So, what do you say? Partners?" Muffet held out her hand as Sans deliberated for a second.

'what have we got to lose?' Sans thought, 'well, besides everything... but i'd love to see the spark put back into grillbz soul... eh, what's life without a little danger?' Sans smiled wider than Muffet had seen him smile in weeks as he clapped hands with her, and shook firmly.

"you got yerself a deal, sweets."

Meanwhile-

"FRISK! YOU CAN NOT TAKE ALL THE SPIDERS HOME. I WANT YOU TO DESIST THIS INSTANT. STOP, YOU LITTLE-" Papyrus flung himself over the booth table top to keep Frisk from dropping anymore spiders down their shirt. After they had finished their treats, a clump of spiders had descended from the ceiling to collect their plates, but Frisk had started signing happily at the spiders who apparently knew how to sign back. Papyrus had been too busy trying to read a poster from across the street advertising that Mettaton was having a show somewhere on Thursday night, that he did not notice that the spiders were dropping into Frisk shirt so that they could go home with them. It was only after Papyrus saw an immense cloud of spiders descending from the ceiling that he immediately started to panic. He was now halfway stretched over the table trying to shake the spiders out of Frisks clothes.

"FRISK THE SPIDERS HAVE TO STAY WITH MUFFET. THIS IS WHERE THEY LIVE!" Just as Papyrus managed to shake the rest of the spiders off of Frisk, the little spider waiter Wes came gliding up to the booth with a sultry smile on his face.

"Would you folks like a to-go box?" Frisk and the rest of the spiders who were sitting stubbornly on the table quickly nodded yes, but Papyrus killed that advance with a screechy, "NO THANK YOU, SIR. I DO NOT NEED ANY MORE SPIDERS JUMPING MY BONES."

Wes blushed heavily, and discreetly erased his number from the bottom of the check in disappointment.


	4. Explanations

The back of Muffet's curio shop smelled strongly like floor polish and new paint, and as Grillby stepped around a small crew of spider workmen,he could not help but think that the place was even nicer than his own bar. The floors were thick oakwood, and the walls were being painted a rich maroon color. Grillby's flames heightened in wonderment at the possibilities he could have for the place. He rubbed his hands together decisively, and sparks shot off into the air. Remembering last night's conversation about the new arrangements made him smile quietly to himself...

Yesterday Night-  
Sans and Papyrus had stumbled back into the bar after their visit to Muffet's followed by a very miffed Frisk. Papyrus kept muttering something under his breath about spiders and shirts, but Grillby dismissed it. Sans' face was what caught the elemental's attention; the skeleton was wearing a grin that almost split his face in half.  
"Hello, everyone. How was your outing?" Papyrus glared pointedly at Frisk, who stuck their tongue out and blew a raspberry at the taller skeleton. Sans rolled his eyes and patted the bartender on the elbow.  
"it was great, grillbz. we had a real _sweet_ time." Papyrus groaned, claiming that he had a migraine, and saying that he was going to lay down. The tall skeleton rubbed his temples, and headed up the staircase to the flat. Sans watched his brother ascend the staircase while simultaneously pulling a little spider out his pocket. He handed the spider off to Frisk along with a shushing motion; the child clapped their hands with glee, and ran off with the little arachnid. Grillby raised his eyebrows at the entire exchange, but Sans grinned up at him, shrugging dismissively. However, the skeleton suddenly grew quite serious as he grabbed the bartender, and pulled him down into a chair.  
"I take it you have something to discuss with me?" Grillby said in a disgruntled tone as he readjusted his glasses. Sans nodded in excitement, but he quickly gathered his composure.  
"listen, pal… y'know how we were talking to the humans about their laws on alcohol a couple of days ago?" Grillby nodded, and folded his hands onto the table between them.  
"Yes. I am not going to lie, but… I do not care for all of the inconvenience that is being caused to you and your brother over my profession. My customers are worried that coming in will anger the humans, and you own brother has already been accosted by some very vindictive humans." Sans clenched his hands at the memory, but his smile never faltered.  
"grillbz, we don't mind taking some lumps for ya. i mean, don't get me wrong, i wish the lumps weren't happening… listen, what i'm trying to say is that you've done so much for  
us, and… i'd like to repay the favor."  
"Well… I could just chalk it up to your tab…" Sans let out a barking laugh, and Grillby smiled at his friend while chuckling. Sans wiped a tear from his eye, and straightened up in his chair.  
"i'm bein' serious though, grillbz… when i was at muff's, she and i had a ourselves a little conversation-"  
"I suppose now you are going to recount it for me? Hold on a moment, let me get more comfortable."  
"shut up, will ya? you make it sound like we were sippin' earl grey, and crochetin' doilies…" Grillby smirked at Sans pouting face, and leaned back in his chair.  
"My apologies. Please do go on." The skeleton began drumming his fingers on the table out of sheer anticipation, and he took in a deep breath.  
"listen, pal. muffet's got this spare building, right? and she said before she bought it that the back room used to be a bar. apparently the old owner had used the front part for the brewery, and the back as the bar, odd set up if you ask me, but hey- who am i to judge, right?" Grillby stared at the skeleton, trying to stitch together the meaning of what he was telling him.  
"What is your point in all of this, my friend?" Sans grin came back so quickly that he almost hurt himself with it.  
"weeell…" Sans leaned forward on his elbow, "muffet wouldn't be opposed to a little... partnership…"  
"Partnership? As in, us working together?" Suddenly, the elemental's cheeks turned a fiery red color while his increased heat started to fill the room with hazy smoke. Sans blinked in surprise at the new change in Grillby's attitude, and he grinned slyly.  
"grillby…" Sans purred, and the bartender groaned in embarrassment, "i didn't know you were into the leggy types, so i guess she really… eight your heart out?" Sans let loose another barking laugh, as Grillby sighed and tried vainly to coax the smoke back into his being.  
"why are you both skatin' around each other, pal?" Grillby ran a through his fiery hair, and fixed Sans with a pointed glare.  
"If I give you an answer… You have to promise not to laugh or get upset..." Sans nodded quickly as Grillby let out a weary sigh.  
"She… Thought that I was… Gay…" There were three beats of silence, before Sans opened his mouth.  
"because you're flaming?" Grillby slapped a hand to his face, and rubbed his eyes. He didn't know if he wanted to maim or actually kill his friend.  
"but seriously, why would she think that?" Grillby stared at his companion, and let out a huff of amusement.  
"Because I was always so attached to you." The words, though intended to be amusing, had hit Sans like a train. The small skeleton had gone completely blue, and almost fallen out of his seat.  
"o-oh. i'm so sorry, grillbz…" Sans stuttered his way through an apology, and continued rambling. Luckily, Grillby saved him from being awkward.  
"Sans, what were you saying about Muffet's partnership?"  
"r-right. erm, she said we could use the back of the building as a secret bar…" Grillby's eyes lit up in immediate interest, but he was also wary.  
"So, this would essentially be an illegal practice… Yes?'"  
"it's muffet, pal. when has anything ever been legal?" Sans drummed his fingers on the table again, and Grillby's eyes were drawn to the table. This was his bar. The one thing he knew he could run with an iron fist, but… Without patrons, and all the other lonely hearts out there… The bar was useless. No need for spirits meant no money, and no money meant that Grillby would be in extreme trouble.  
'I do know that Muffet would have no trouble with a money issue… If my customers had a secret place to use my facilities, would that not benefit us all? Hmm… Why not. I've never really had the chance for an adventure anyways!'  
Sans nearly jumped out of his bones when Grillby's fist came crashing onto the table. The bartender leveled his gaze with the skeleton, and cracked his knuckles.  
"Let's do it." Sans blinked dumbly for a second until his brain caught up with the words.  
"wha- ya mean it?'  
"How often do I joke about my bar?" Sans leapt out of his seat, and pumped Grillby's hand in a congratulatory manor. He walked around the table to stand next to the elemental, and put his hand on his shoulder.  
"one more thing though. we're gonna become our own mob family, kay?" Sans grinned nervously at Grillby as the information was processed.  
"I am fine with this. What we are doing is illegal anyway, so why not be the mafia?" A large light suddenly filled Sans eyes as he grinned slyly.  
"because the biggest of all _ma-fias_ is going to jail…" The skeleton laughed at his own joke, as Grillby just shook his head.  
"That was terrible, my friend."

Present-  
Grillby watched as the spiders continued to paint the walls, and he walked over to the bar. The wood of it was silky and smooth, a deep mahogany color. Sans had explained, with only a few small hitches, what the situation was to Papyrus. The only part of the arrangement that Papyrus had not cared for were his brother's jokes about it. Grillby was brimming with joy; he couldn't wait to start picking up where he left off. A loud squeal from the front of the shop made Grillby spin on his heel, and bolt toward the door. As he flew through the doors he beheld Muffet clad in a pinstripe suit jacket, and a very practical black skirt. However, he did not get to see much else as she was promptly hurled into him. His face had landed squarely in the center of her chest, and as she caught her balance she couldn't help but smirk at the bartender's expression. Grillby quickly held his hands out in apology.  
"I-I am sorry, I did not mean for my face to land in your bosom." Grillby cringed at his own word choice, but Muffet only giggled. She brushed herself off, and coincidentally bent down to pick up the container of cookies she had brought along. As she bent over, she knew that she was angled perfectly for Grillby to see down her blouse. He blushed deeper, and the audible sounds' of crackling fire reached her ears. Muffet smirked, and stood back up gracefully.  
"It's quite alright, sugar… But maybe next time… You could buy me a drink first?"  
" _N-next time_?" Grillby choked out, but then he suddenly realized that he and Muffet were not the only ones in the room. Sans had his foot extended as if he had tripped Muffet, and as the bartender glared at him suspiciously the skeleton gave him a thumbs up which only confirmed his suspicions. Papyrus and Frisk were also standing inside, and had witnessed the entire exchange. Frisk pulled Papyrus down and signed something to him.  
"FRISK WANTS TO KNOW WHEN THE WEDDING FOR YOU TWO WILL BE, AND WHAT YOUR BABIES WILL LOOK LIKE?"  
There was a crash in the room as Grillby fainted. Sans walked over, and prodded him with his foot. Muffet blushed, but directed a glare at the taller skeleton.  
"You couldn't have worded that any other way, ace?" Papyrus shrugged, but leaned down again when Frisk tugged on him. The child quickly signed something else.  
"FRISK SAYS THAT KISSING GRILLBY SHOULD WAKE HIM UP, BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT WORKS…" Muffet quickly exited the room with her hand covering her face, blood streaming from her nose.


End file.
